First I will say this is not a bashing session of the mother of my child just candid account of "baby mamma drama". I don't actually call the mother of child my "baby mamma" due to bad connotation it has within society. When she got pregnant the first time I was scared and didn't tell a soul but I always wanted to be a young father. I remember hearing my child's heart beat for the first time and I was taken back because shit just got real. On the Fourth month she had a appointment and I was working and it was just a routine monthly check up i decided not to go and I got a frantic call while I was at work saying "they cant find our babies heart beat " at that moment I felt I let her down I wasn't there for her. I promised her I wouldn't be like the other idiots she dated and I would be there for her. I decided that I really did want a child it was my Idea for her not to go back on birth control and we would just see what would happen the next few months. In October I could tell something was different she didn't want to be pregnant due to losing our first and the chance it could happen again but I knew. We went to the doctors and there it was we where expecting again I was 19 and she was 18. Things went well we had our typical fights over other women she was insecure which as a man I never understood I truly loved her . I didn't help though I did things went places that could make her think that I wanted more then a pregnant girlfriend who insecure about her body and my choices.
Shit started going down hill once my football recruitment started to pick and I told her I had no interest in staying in San Diego yet I wanted her to come with me . This was my child and I wanted her to be with me in all reality as scared as I was I wanted to marry her. I was in a conflict with myself though I was on one of the greatest Junior college football teams ever and we RAN San Diego. We would go down to SDSU to part 20-30 Deep this was our city. Once she was pregnant I stopped bringing her with me . Little did I know I was taking out the foundation from our relationship that I help to build. She was the first maybe the last women I have dated that had my back. I could count on her threw anything I guess apart of me still searches for that this day in a relationship. I have never seen a great relationship up close my dad wasn't around my mom and my step dad fought like cats and dogs. That all played out in this relationship I can say I have been in love after or before but to this day the relationship with her is the only love I've known. People will question after all the shit you've been through how can you say that. easy sit down think about my own actions .
Our daughter was born and it was the greatest thing I had ever seen. I made mistakes I wasn't as active as I should have been I watched her change to many diapers and feed her partly she wouldn't let me. I had a huge decisions to make to take my last scholarship offered I had lost a bunch due to different issues. I planned to sit out the season and move to Fresno and play football there and keep my family together. My mom was really putting the pressure on me . I decided that the best thing for me to do was to get my education because my mom didn't have a college degree I didn't want my daughter to say "well you didn't do it so why do I". I wanted her to come with me and raise our family In north Dakota haha yea but I knew I would be all alone if she didn't and she choose not to and it cut me deep I mean real deep. My first week out there I came back home because i missed my daughter and felt I was leaving her behind like my father did me but deep down a free education was the best choice in the long run so I went back and begged her to come and she declined again. So I went to school alone and deeply depressed I cried 3 and half hours from San Diego to Minneapolis . God was with me I just so happen to be sitting next to a pastor from Nebraska and his lovely wife after the first Hour of seeing the grown 6'1 205lb man cry and cry she asked me what was wrong and I told her everything she was comforting to me like a mother would be and the paster gave me great advice by the time I got off the plane I had no more tears and the guilt wasn't as bad .
My Arrival again to North Dakota sucked for me my head wasn't in football my heart was in San Diego with the mother of my child and my beautiful little girl. I was sad, depressed and all that for the first time I was truly alone . I have large family I had my girl and my daughter I had it all and now it was just Devon and his thoughts. There were nights I honestly questioned if life was even worth it if I didn't have those two . Meanwhile she placed alot of stress on back thinking I was out every night partying and with women when actually I rarely left my room if It wasn't to eat or football and I was outcast by the team from the beginning because I came in with such high praise I was there to take someones spot. I felt terrible leaving her there without me but with all the accusations she pushed me away and met another girl. She was the opposite of her tall blonde who didn't give me shit all the time and just wanted me to her. I dated her off and on for three years but I was still in love with the mother of my child and basically this girl just took her place while I was at school and I went back and fourth . They always say the grass is greener on the other side it is if you choose to water it . I made the mistake of using her as tool against my daughters mom too hurt her like she hurt me by not coming with me . I went back and fourth cheated on gf at school with my daughters mom because in the long run she was where my heart was I wanted the family I wanted .
Soon things got bad she started to hold our daughter against me not letting me see her when I wanted to and all that stuff. We had our first court hearing and things where established she felt I should barely see her because I "left " them and went away to school. Soon she began to date other men and it killed me inside to know men where with her doing what I should and around my daughter . I found way to hurt her throwing stuff in her face about women and we went back and fourth. Soon we started to fight like no other and the court hearings became more frequent . She was doing the only thing that could hurt me and take away time from me and my daughter, She would say things like "you are just like your father" and "you choose someone else over us" never the case did I take the easy way out yea I did. Soon she filed a false restraining order on me which was thrown out and she was scolded by the judge for it . I have never lifted a finger to her or anything she knew the career i wanted and if I have domestic charge I wouldn't be able to do it. Then her "friends" told me she had cheated on me and I should have my daughter tested to make sure she was mine . That cut me to the core but I never doubted she was mine and if you see her now shes my twin. She would date these men in attempts to replace me it seemed and the drama continued in and out of court trying to take away time and fuck me over with child support even though I was always there she wanted to hurt me and still does to this day.
She brought a man she was barely with to our daughters first day of kindergarten which should have been just us because I'm her father I've been there for her . This a attempt to piss me off and it did i was furious and luckily a friend was there and stopped me from beating the shit out this guy. To this day she still makes things hard on me to be involved with my daughter and she makes it tough for me to date. She thinks I date the same way she does to replace and I would never do that. She still hold on to the young man that i was back then that did alot of things that I truly regret and Im sure she does but she just hasn't matured enough to face her own mistakes. After everything we have been though and the path I have taken to grow i realized that hurt i dealt to her going back and fourth is what caused this. Most men just say that bitch is crazy but I played my part with my lies and decisions I have made. It doesn't excuse everything she has done and does by no means . She has said and done things I will not write in here because I know deep down she knows she could have done better. I have tried to pull my family together and watched my daughter cry and cry about wanting her family back. I just hope that men In position do what I did take all the "drama" and focus Don't let anyone push you away most men would have left or remained distant but your only hurting your child. Till this say our relationship isn't where I want I'm still being punished for the past I pray she sees the love and commitment I have to my daughter and to look in the mirror and know we where both young and dumb and made bad choices. I will always love her for giving birth to my daughter and for the women she was when she believed in me . I know that women is still there she has just choose to hide her behind pain and anger. Fellas I feel like I have been to hell and back but the relationship I have with my daughter has only got better . One day maybe she see for the man I am not who I was and understand we both want the same thing I think haha that's the best for our daughter. I tell you this story for the guys going through it . The women who are too once you realized you played your part correct your mistakes and make sure the child never suffers. To the mother of child I hope that you one day choose to let it go and let us be the best parents together not as a couple necessary to our daughter. Fellas keep fighting and know that one day it will be alright as long as your child isn't saying what she is your okay never ever give up on anything esp your child. Never give up on your ex either once you have grown you laid down and made this child for a reason and now you have to be patient . Men never say the part we played in anything so here is mine so just pray for me as I pray for her mother to let go of the pain and hurt . No more drama......
